Respite

Its been weeks where my “slump” plagued me and prevented me from trying really hard. I usually have this high expectation/goal for me that kept me going. Seeing as myself not good enough, but still happy with the progress I’m having.

It was a nice mantra for a while, until I slowly starting to doubt if I’ll ever see realize that Ideal. And when that anxiety consumed my hopeful outlook, I started to draw less. The last few felt really forced and I can’t seem to find that zone where I’m moved to draw.

I channeled my attention somewhere else: cooking, games, playing the guitar, etc. They are productive hobbies (besides games and mmos XD) but they weren’t the ones that made me feel fulfilled. They were time sinks, they never feed my soul as much as the feeling of touching and tracing the lines with my fingers; the flourish of quick strokes that would etch a smile.

I’m pretty sure almost everyone went through something like this, and I’m sure that the answer varies from person to person. My respite came from someone’s voiced appreciation of my last doodle.

You see, I stopped uploading my drawings in FB because there was at some point I felt that I’m drawing just for the attention and the ‘likes’. I moved here, with the bizarre tagging keys, not to get my drawings noticed, but as a place where I can draw freely. All without the expectations and comments, both positive and negative.

One random day last week I decided to draw one quick doodle and share it to the actual cosplayer via pm, just a random impulse trying to shake things up on my end, thinking that it might pull me out of my rut. As it turns out, she was flattered, moved. She actually liked it.

I’m glad that my work was good enough to make someone appreciate it, that someone validated the growth I had with this hobby. And despite being envious of other’s talents, there are those who would appreciate mine as well.

This will keep me going for a while. Here’s to hoping that I can face my current self a couple of years later and said that I’ve moved people to pursue their arts when they see mine, the same way I’m moved to draw whenever I see a great photo/scene.

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