[QD] Nameless Monster

Booting this up again to get my thoughts going. I’ve promised myself to start working on these once I get a Surface Pro out. But its been 2 months and I’m still slumped. I had struggles working with colour, and at times, my bad habits on the pencil got translated poorly into the digital brushes. But, aside from that, I know that I’m improving bit by bit. As long as I don’t feel complacent/accomplished after every milestone, I can push through with my ideals and plans.

Meanwhile, here are some of the stuff that I’ve been doodling at work while I don’t feel like using the tablet. Honestly, I still feel that I have ways to go for digital painting, it frustrates me to no end. So, until that time comes, pencil sketches for now. I’ll probably post WIPs on my FB. And eventually revive my pixiv once I’m confident with my work.


I’ll try to work on some write-ups, been wanting to expound my ideas on a few games/books that I’ve finished (looking at you, Mistborn’s first trilogy and Tales of Berseria).

While saying all this, I know I’ll easily flinch if I let my complacency get to me. The last 3 years have been the pay-off from a lot of my struggles, my pains, my convictions. And despite getting some of the bigger targets off my bucket list made me really happy, it made things really hard for me to put in more effort and let myself struggle more for the rest of the list.

Complacency, the cradle of comfort keeps on looming over me, asking me to slow down, unwind. The thing is, the more I let this consume me, the less I see of that ideal being realised. The ideal that I pictured from years ago. The dreams that led me down this path; The change I want to see.

It’s not a monster that you can aptly associate with ‘complacency’, it spans to so many things, so many thoughts.

While writing this, I’ve watched through 3 animu episodes already. I can really feel it weighing down on me.

Or maybe, I’m just tired.


[QD] Tanzanite

Long overdue post. This was mainly because I was struggling with this sketch. Funnily enough, this started on a practice page, w/ all of the other doodles. Having it turning out pretty nice, I opted to erase the rest of the page. Work being hectic delayed this sketch for over a week.


This is drawn from one of Ely’s selfies with her Sakuya (Tanzanite ver) cosplay. I have to 2nd guess the patterns (and the rest of the pic) on my own. Despite the struggles in making it work, it is always a pleasure to draw her stunning cosplays.


Work has been really bad recently, with all the tasks piling up as the project deadline looms. Meanwhile, I managed to find Brandon Sanderson’s original Mistborn Trilogy. Having both No Man’s Sky and Star Ocean 5 disappointing me a lot (plus the FFXV delay to Nov), I’m seeing this as a time to finish the books or probably pick up I am Setsuna.

At the moment, I’m trying to look for something for my next sketch. I’ll probably go back to working into character poses and designs. Hopefully I’d get more out of it once work slows down.

[QD] Minute Burst

And I’m back~

Not sure if I can make these on a regular basis. I’ve been trying hard to draw consistently in the passed few weeks. Getting SHF Body-chan really helped me practice drawing with body language in mind, but I still try to draw a bit realistic with cosplay pics.


And it’s been a while since I was ‘moved’ to draw someone. For weeks, Nemesia’s cosplay pics (source) would pop up in my FB feed and I’ve almost always gave it a quick attempt only to get frustrated about my skills being inadequate. More weeks passed and I finally get to draw her like I wanted. This is probably one of the few where I felt completely satisfied with how it turned out. And even one of those very few where I had 2-3 pages worth of attempts.

Do I feel happy about it? Yes, of course. I am hoping that more of these pop up on my FB feed. Because, as the guy in the Oatmeal pointed out, it’s like breathing; you breathe in art and inspiration so that you can exhale from within you. I guess I was burned out trying really hard to be consistent fast.

For now, I’ll just continue learning and trying hard. Struggle if I have to. 😛

[QD] Grasping for Straws

It’s somewhat nice having goals, a bucket list of things you want to do. Things you want to make. They give you a definite direction to trudge on. But as time goes, you get sidetracked and invested into other temporary nuances, and you are slowly being re-written into something you’re not.

And slowly, your goals change to COMFORTABLY fit into your life. Excuses compounding upon more excuses, you dismiss the goals you originally have to gun for realistic ones. And that is something I sorely want to stop.




Reading into personality/character definitions, whether it be through some tests or interpretations (eg. zodiac, archetype, etc). You unconsciously agree to some ideas as only SOME of them resonates with you, but seeing that you ‘belong’ to such a group, you slowly change depending on the mold it is defined with. I’ve known for a long time that I actually welcome change, but as a ‘taurus’ having reservations for change, it slowly molded me into something I’m not.

My now rigid outlook on things, despite how open-minded I am to various ideas, is now making me less cognizant of the bigger picture. These changes are not limited to just my outlook; how I tackle problems and issues, and many more, are changing because of it.

For example, playing Circle in WMH will make you want to play with subtlety and trickery. But playing it further in Manila’s meta makes you want to play defensively with a cold, calculating style. This was compounded further when I started playing other games that seemingly syncs up with that play style. And suddenly, my old knack of making aggressive, yet rewarding, decisions in a short moment takes the back stage. And that was what my guildie friends have known me for: timely decisions. And when I try to rekindle that feeling, I felt conflicted as it is no longer in my zone of comfort. PvP was unfamiliar to me.


I am conflicted in so many things about myself. And right now, trying to return to my old self, I look for ways and excuses to get motivated. And as I draw, I slowly ask myself

“Is this how I really want to draw?”

I know I can do better.

And that’s probably why its hard for me to draw right now.

[QD] Lost and bound

Writing this in the middle of the night, my old habit of trying to write out my ideas was denied by my procrastination. I have a few things working on pre and post day job shift. Moving from one thing to another, and at times I tend to get myself overwhelmed by the many things I want to do.

So many projects, so many goals. Excuses pile upon excuses, and I end up starting my days drained and devoid of motivation. Not even doing much progress in any of the projects, I get sidetracked to so many other things: games, social media, even work is eating me inside.

Working with the notion of trying to make the most of my time (ever since my commute got shorter after moving to boni), I tried to be productive in those side projects. But as most freedoms go: the more you gain, the more responsibilities it entails. Minor neglects became inconveniences, inconveniences turned to excuses, excuses turned to roadblocks. And roadblocks, well, gets me stuck. And here I am, trying to climb over it.

source here

My first attempt, after a long time, my bottled up frustrations coming out. And after all that, the lines felt empty. Flat. Lifeless. The glimmered drive I had when drawing is now aimless. I can throw in so many excuses, but that will only save my ego



Such a strong word; A hope for a change. A condition to turn things for the better. At the moment, I can’t define it myself. But writing makes me feel better, and hopefully, I might find what I’ve lost.

[QD] In Between Complacency and Perfection

Ever since getting an n3DS for Fire Emblem Fates (started out with Conquest), my free time has been funnelled into the game trying to make Classic-Lunatic work (without any casualties). This means tons and tons of resets on chapter 10 just to survive. “orz

But it was a decision I’ve made and never regretted. I am still a firm believer that the Lunatic difficulty is carefully designed to be finished with no deaths on your team. And it is something I strive for. Its more of me not succumbing to a poor tactic by sacrificing characters just for a mission to succeed. Still in chapter 11 after a week or so, but I’m not rushing the game. (Well, unless The Division pulls me away from the game)

That aside, I’ve been neglecting my daily practice on the guitar and sketching. And that’s what I have to change. Work has been more tiring but the stress is manageable. I guess playing games like Fire Emblem, where your mind is being squeezed out and mistakes (including bad RNG luck) gives you more stress than work has, is making things at work seem more amendable.

Sadly, my doodling/sketches took a hit as well, I’m doing more practices but they were never completed. I need to aim again to 1-2 complete sketches a week to practice. Weekly stints on tutorials and whatnots that help expand my skills. Almost an entire month has passed and I’m only able to churn out one. Still not happy with this as I know I can do better. Here is a quick doodle of Kameko’s cosplay (link here)


Funny thing about this is that the more I stare at it, the more I want to redo everything. Eyes aren’t aligned and I’m relying on the photo too much instead of trusting my instincts and wing it. Oh well, I think I can get out of this weird slump by trying to draw Fire Emblem characters (I still have plans on drawing Rose from Zestiria as well)



[QD] Idleshire

With all of the stuff (that I need to keep tabs on) going on, I still end up wasting time in social media. Work gets a bit frustrating as I find more and more roadblocks as I find alternatives to solutions.

But as far as dev work goes, there will always be a work-around or solution to problems, or we compromise and find something that can work for everyone.

On the flip side, during these stumped situations where I (become idle and) get to draw more decently than my usual impulse. This one is a quick 30min doodle of JasperZ’s stunning Sheryl Nome cosplay (link here).


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I really love the details on the costume, as this is something I want to replicate when I draw. Too bad I can’t go all out with the pencil. “orz

There a lot of mistakes here but they’ll get fixed later on, need to get back to work. XD

edit: reuploaded the doodle